They are NOT gay!!!!

This is why Dan says that Shark and Oliver are Gay! But I know that they are just trying to stay warm...LOL

You might be a photographer when (Jeff Foxworthy type one liners)

you show your friend how to use their own camera and then end up taking all their pictures for them

You are in Yosemite and your wife is telling you how beautiful it is and all you can think of is the lights too flat and there is no contrast.

You might be a photographer when you walk around with your left eye closed composing photo shots in your head.when your walking along the beach at sunset with the woman you love and think . . . . . . . . . f8 at 1/200th

For Christmas your kids gets bright clothes and your wife gets a jacket thats 18% gray.

In the RAW has a totally different meaning that most others.

You might be a photographer if you bookmark this thread and put a shortcut on your desktop.

While shopping with the wife, you checked out the local Mall's photographer stand, not because you're interesting in having the pics taken, but want to know where he got all the props.

..If there is a tornado warning and you head outside to see if you will be lucky enough to get a really cool picture instead of going to the basement

When your non-photographer friends show you pictures of their kids, the kid is the last thing you see. Instead you're mind is on the following:* They should have cleared all that clutter in the background.* Don't shoot down at children!* Rule of thirds would have helped this picture.

And Finally...

You ask a friend to join you for some bird shooting.He brings his shotgun, you bring a telephoto.

Bill's Car Wash

Bill's Car Wash. This is unbelievable !


Bill owns a company that manufactures and Installs car wash systems. Bill's company installed A car wash system in Frederick , Maryland . The problem started when the new owner complained To Bill that he was losing significant amounts of money From his coin machines each week. He went as far as to accuse Bill's employees of having a Key to the boxes and ripping him off. Bill just couldn't Believe that his people would do that, so they setup a Camera to catch the thief in action. Well, they did catch Him on film! That's a bird sitting on the change slot of The machine The bird had to go down Into the machine, and back up inside to get to the money! That's three quarters he has in his beak! Another amazing thing is that it was not just one bird -- there were several working together. Once they identified the thieves, they found over $4000 in quarters on the roof of the car wash and more under a nearby tree. And you thought you heard of everything by now!!!

Daily Dose of Funny

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. I go out to the taxi, while my husband went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with my husband in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, I don't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, I explain to the taxi driver that he will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.'
A few minutes later, he gets into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' he said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck.Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!' The cab driver hit a parked car.

Black Robbers

This SO sounds like something I would do.........Black Robbers For anyone who didn't see David Letterman¢s take on this: (And it's atrue story...) On a recent weekend in Atlantic City, a woman won a bucketful ofquarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner with herhusband in the hotel dining room. But first she wanted to stash the quarters inher room. 'I'll be right back k and we'll go to eat,' she toldher husband and carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator.As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already aboard.Both were black. One of them was tall... very tall ...an intimidating figure.The woman froze... Her first thought was: 'These two are going to robme.' Her next thought was: 'Don't be a bigot; they look likeperfectly nice gentlemen.' But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fearimmobilized her. She stood and stared at the two men. She felt anxious,flustered and ashamed. She hoped they didn't read her mind but gosh, theyhad to know what she was thinking!!!Her hesitation about joining them in the elevator was all too obvious now. Herface was flushed. She couldn't just stand there, so with a mighty effort ofwill she picked up one foot and stepped forward and followed with the other footand was on the elevator. Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly andfaced the elevator doors as they closed. A second passed, and then anothersecond, and then another. Her fear increased! The elevator didn't move.Panic consumed her. 'My God,' she thought, I'm trapped and about tobe robbed! 'Her heart plummeted. Perspiration poured from every pore.Then one of the men said, 'Hit the floor.' Instinct told her to do whatthey told her. The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms andcollapsed on the elevator floor. A shower of coins rained down on her. Take mymoney and spare me, she prayed. More seconds passed. She heard one of the mensay politely, 'Ma'am, if you'll just tell us what floor you'regoing to, we'll push the button.' The one who said it had a littletrouble getting the words out. He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh.The woman lifted her head and looked up at the two men. They reached down tohelp her up. Confused, she struggled to her feet. 'When I told my friendhere to hit the floor,' said the average sized one, 'I meant that heshould hit the elevator button for our floor. I didn't mean for you to hitthe floor, ma'am.' He spoke genially. He bit his lip. It was obvious hewas having a hard time not laughing. The woman thought: 'My God, what aspectacle I've made of myself.' She was too humiliated to speak. Shewanted to blurt out an apology, but words failed her. How do you apologize totwo perfectly respectable gentlemen for behaving as though they were going torob you? She didn't know what to say. The three of them gathered up thestrewn quarters and refilled her bucket. When the elevator arrived at her floorthey then insisted on walking her to her room. She seemed a little unsteady onher feet, and they were afraid she might not make it down the corridor. At herdoor they bid her a good evening. As she slipped into her room she could hearthem roaring with laughter as they walked back to the elevator. The womanbrushed herself off. She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinnerwith her husband.The next morning flowers were delivered to her room - a dozen roses. Attachedto EACH rose was a crisp one hundred dollar bill.The card said: 'Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years.'It was signed; Eddie Murphy Michael JordanPS - Pass this around so others can enjoy! Black Robbers - a true story

Things I Learnt living in Texas

1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road. 2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas. 3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in Texas, plus a couple no one's seen before. 4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha. 5. 'Onced' and 'Twiced' are words. 6. It is not a shopping cart, it is abuggy! 7. 'Jaw-P?' means 'Did ya'll go to the bathroom?' 8. People actually grow and eat okra. 9. 'Fixinto' is one word. 10. There is no such thing as 'lunch'. There is only dinner and then there is supper. 11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. 12. Backwards and forwards means 'I know everything about you.' 13. The word 'jeet' is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?' 14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see. 15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASHEM. 16. 'No. Jew?' is a common response to the question 'Did you bring any beer?' 17. You measure distance in minutes. 18. You switch from heat to A/C in the same day. 19. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal. 20. You know what a 'DAWG' is. 21. You carry jumper cables in your car --- for your OWN car. 22. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Tony's, Tabasco and Ketchup. 23. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports and motor sports, andgossip. 24. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday. 25. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit 'a bit warm'. 26. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas. 27. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time know as 'goin' Wal-Martin' or 'off to Wally World'. 28. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather. 29. Fried catfish is the other white meat. 30. We don't need no dang driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive dag-nabbit. 31. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Texas friends and those who just wish they were from Texas.